Mildred Moss / Parent
Evan Hudgens, 10, tries to interrupt his mother's phone conversation. Parents say it's a common problem.
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"It seems like they wait till I'm on the phone to tell me things they could have told me earlier or it could wait until I finish my conversation," is a familiar parental complaint.
Nora Cline, who owns and teaches at Modern Manners in Columbus, said the tendency for a child to interrupt a telephone conversation is normal.
"It seems that kids need you the minute you are on the phone because it's natural to want your attention when they have lost it." She suggests different strategies for children of different ages.
"With little ones, set up an activity before you start talking on the phone. Tell them you will give them your full attention when you are finished. Try to limit telephone conversation time. If you keep them waiting too long, you know they'll interrupt again." This method works for Leah Argyle, who has five children, ages 2 to 13.
"My children have been taught to say 'excuse me' if they think they have something important that can't wait till I get off the phone," she said. "I always tell them 'just a minute' and go back to my conversation. They wait until I'm off the phone, and then I'm careful to ask them right away what they wanted to tell me. That's important. You have to be consistent and listen to them when you said you would listen to them."
Once again, Argyle and Cline are in agreement.
"By age 3," Cline said, "parents should start teaching their children to say 'excuse me' when they feel a need to interrupt. Let them know what you expect are good reasons for them to interrupt. For example, let them know it is only permissible for them to interrupt for a very important reason. What may seem important to a child may not be so important to an adult. Be sure you agree on what important means. Is someone hurt? Is someone at the door? Is something on fire?"
Maureen Burkett, mother of 4-year-old Maria and 8-year-old Ben, believes interruptions should be handled differently depending on the child.
"Maria doesn't do it, but Ben is my talker," she said. "I tried for a while to get him to wait, but he is so intense and really wants to talk to me right then. I know it will be short, so I just ask the person I'm talking to if they would mind holding a second. Then Ben tells me what is so important and then goes scurrying out of the room. It doesn't seem to bother anyone, and Ben doesn't keep trying to get my attention."
Argyle has a different view of in-person conversations.
"I think kids are capable of knowing the difference between joining a conversation or interrupting it. They should be allowed to share a story about the topic being discussed, but they need to be taught that abruptly changing the subject is rude and shows bad manners."
Cline thinks role-playing is a great tool in teaching good manners.
"I often use role-playing in my etiquette classes. I make a game out of it and role-play the situation. Act out the wrong way first. Do role reversal and interrupt them, then follow up with the correct way and immediately talk about what it felt like to them when you were the one who did the interrupting."
Most experts in young children development agree with Cline that the best way to show a child how annoying it is to have every conversation interrupted is to give them a dose of their own medicine. In the book Raising Children Who Think for Themselves, Dr. Eisa Medhus writes, "Ask them to talk about their day, and while they do so, talk to them about yours. Follow up by asking them how it made them feel."
The Internet is full of advice about how to deal with young children who interrupt, but what's to be done with older children who learned such a bad behavior in their early years and are still practicing it today?
Case in point: Evan Hudgens is 10 years old. His mother, Mandy, has given up.
"He first started standing in front of me while I was on the phone when he was about 2 years old. He would just start talking. I always put my hand over the mouthpiece and said to him, 'do you see me talking on the phone?' I'm still saying that eight years later. It didn't stop him then, and it doesn't stop him now."
This story has a clear and persistent moral. Nip it in the bud. Take some of the advice offered above and be consistent. Remember, the alternative could be 10 years or more of interrupted conversations and frazzled frustration.
Just ask Mandy Hudgens.
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